I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore

You win some, you lose some. Today kicked my trash. If only I had 3 phones. I was fighting with my health insurance on my cell phone and a hospital on my landline. Go ahead and deny claims before Christmas, Blue Cross, that's exactly what I hoped would happen.

We're having issues with Liam's monitor. Apparently the night shift people are less than stellar and cannot perform basic trouble shooting. He's 6 and could die suddenly, that's cool, no worries. I'll just call back in the morning and talk to someone different.

I don't know what it is about Christmas. I totally feel the Spirit and see the good, but at the same time everything is going wrong. I feel happy and cry tears of gratitude. I feel angry and I cry out of frustration. This month has been filled with the highest of highs and lowest of lows. I feel like I am taking crazy pills sometimes.


There is so much to do and I feel like I am struggling to keep afloat doing the things that have to be done. I haven't baked a single cookie. I don't have stocking stuffers. I only ordered Christmas presents off of Amazon on Tuesday,so all of that just arrived and needs to be wrapped. Never mind all the menu planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. I don't do Elf on the Shelf. My kids remind me of this everyday. I don't have time for that, but I wish that I did. I could rock that.

We took our kids out to the zoo on Monday night for Christmas lights. It was really cold. My baby hasn't been the same since. He is fevering and sick. His breathing sounds tight and his famous bark is louder. With his trachea being compressed by his innominate artery, when he gets an upper respiratory infection, he has to be hospitalized. I can't spend time in the hospital with a sick baby. That could very well be my snapping point.

My son told me that he would prefer to "hitch a ride home with Brother ***** because his car is all leather and cool and only has 4 seats". He drives a Mercedes or BMW, I can't remember which. That did it for me. I could no longer keep the tears at bay. I just can't fight this feeling anymore.... I forgot what I started fighting for....

So tomorrow will be a new day. We'll see what it brings. I have several Diet Cokes chilling in the fridge. I plan on downing 2 of them before 10 am.